Tag Archives: Sarah Palin


This post was scheduled to appear here a few days ago, but fortunately for all of us I realized what a scattered mess it was and pulled it back for more thought.

I think I’ve finally gotten around to understanding that I was trying to make too many points fit into a cohesive narrative, and instead what I ended up with was a circular and jumbled bit of incomprehensible ideas, barely held together by a few words like “incendiary” and “unhinged” and “inflammatory” and  “batshit insane.”

Those words are likely to resurface in this revamped post, but they’ll likely make more sense, or at least be in better context.

Except, of course, to those whose thought processes never deviate from the straight and narrow. Seriously, these folks exist. I’ve known horses wearing blinders that saw more.

But here goes. Consider this a bit of stream of consciousness.


The rabid right is so determined to go into a hissy fit over everything any Democrat, particularly Barack Obama, says, that they’ve been in a tizzy since Wednesday over his “partisan” speech at the Tucson memorial. The latest of course is their determination that the closed captioning on the McKale Center’s jumbotron was a cue for people to applaud. Morons. Deaf people can’t hear applause either, so, yes, idiots, they do put (applause) in the closed captioning just like they put every other sound in the closed captioning, not just words. Also not unusual to put closed captioning on the big screens at events, because not everybody can be close enough to see an interpreter. But the right gotta bitch. Kinda like they’ve been freaking out over a t-shirt, given out by the University of Arizona (which organized the thing) that says “Together We Thrive — Tucson and America” (It was, by the way, the name of the event). I can’t for the life of me understand what’s partisan about any of that. Terrance Heath pointed out one line from Obama’s speech — “I believe we can be better.” Guess that’s kinda hard to take for a conserverati that thinks it can do no wrong already. I don’t understand that. I always thought it was a good thing to strive to be better, and that if I ever thought there was no room for improvement, I need to be sharply reminded that I ain’t all that.


Sarah Palin. Bless her heart. All she had to do was say, “Y’know, maybe that crosshairs thing was a little over the top, but I certainly never intended for it to be taken literally by anyone on either side of the partisan divide. And I regret that it was.” Instead, she deleted the crosshairs map from her website under cover of darkness, sent some underling out to say it wasn’t crosshairs, it was a “surveyor’s symbol” (and I guess all here tweet about it — “target,” “don’t retreat, reload” etc. are just surveyor talk too) and then, on the day of the Tucson memorial, put out a video in which she uses a highly inflammatory phrase in pursuit of portraying herself as the poor little victim of all this. I am reminded of something Dorothy Gale said to The Scarecrow: “What would you do with a brain if you had one?” Seriously, though, I’m surprised she hasn’t fired her speech writer and claimed s/he was a liberal infiltrator out to make her look bad. And to the conserverati who think Palin scares progressives: Please. She does make me wince, as in, OMG, did she really say that? And watching her poll numbers sink among those who aren’t batshit insane makes me feel a little better every day about the American people, although I still don’t trust them all that much. And should the half-term, quitter governor actually become president, well, then, it will prove I was right to begin with. The American people are in complete moral decay, and they’re getting what they deserve. Kinda like when they elected GW Bush. Twice.


Jared Loughner. Appears to me he’s a lunatic of the Glenn Beck variety, what with all the conspiracy crap and the gold standard bullshit that I think he’s talking about in those pieces of shit “videos” (if, by “video,” you actually mean rambling nonsense text in white on a black background with some pot-induced music behind it). Do I think the Palins et al caused this guy to go try to assassinate a congresswoman? No. Never said I did. But the incendiary rhetoric that passes for political discourse these days does create an atmosphere where such things are much more likely than they would be without it. Terrance Heath says the bullshit that spews out of the mouths of these irresponsible assholes is just a “spark” that needs “kindling” — kindling like an economic crisis that Republicans refuse to acknowledge exists because, well, because it doesn’t exist for them and nobody else matters. But the real fuel is the fear and paranoia the conserverati preach when they’re not urging their parishioners to be “armed and dangerous.” The Mexicans are taking our jobs! The Muslims are trying to kill us! Liberals are trying to destroy America! Obama is a socialist! Obama is a Kenyan! Obama is a fascist! Obama is black!


I am amused. The defensiveness on the right when someone suggests that their crazy talk might not be helping things makes me laugh, at least for a little while, until I realize how serious this all is. Oh, the left does it too! they say, and then provide a list of anonymous bloggers, t-shirt designers and just plain crazy people who have done and said outrageous and offensive things. What they don’t come up with is nationally known media folk (and if you think Keith Olbermann’s “worst person in the world” is remotely equivalent to things Limbaugh, Levin, Savage, Hannity, O’Reilly etc say, you should be forced to listen to Olbermann over and over again for at least a year. He’s a blowhard, but he doesn’t have the nerve to say anything actually incendiary), former governors, former vice presidential candidates, sitting senators and representatives, state party chairmen, gubernatorial candidates, senate candidates, house candidates, state legislators or legislative candidates, or even mayors and city council members on the left who say comparable things to what’s on the right. It’s not there. I’ve looked. Oh, and you have to look at the context, too, something that seems to be very difficult for the right to do. Instead, they like to do things like edit videos to make it look like someone says the exact opposite of what they actually said.


Another amusing part. The right all in a snit, afeered that somebody on the left is gonna shoot Palin or somebody. Please, again. Project much? They’d love that to happen, y’know, because then we could completely forget about all the crap they’ve been spewing for years and focus entirely on the one single incident that proves both sides do it. I wouldn’t be surprised if somebody on the right didn’t decide to do it themselves so they can blame it on the left and get what they want, liars that they are. Y’know, that’s not funny at all. That’s just sick, just like this whole political state we’ve created here in America. It’s sick, diseased. Dying. Maybe euthanasia would be a blessing.

This diseased society we’ve allowed to spring into life here makes shooting a congressman is perfectly OK, because all we have to do is say the shooter is crazy and we won’t have to worry about it. But crazy doesn’t explode in a vacuum. Crazy needs permission to explode. It needs enough unhinged, irresponsible ideas to make it possible for the unstable mind to justify what they do.

And then, of course, we just say it was a “lone wolf” or some such, and then we can be surprised all over again when it happens the next time.


That, my friends, is the real tragedy. Instead of standing up and saying this is enough — and I don’t mean making laws barring these wingnuts from saying their bullshit, because that really would be a violation of the 1st Amendment.

What I mean is standing up and saying Enough. We can be better.

I lived in a neighborhood once that had a section that was a heavy drug area. There was this one house — the proverbial crack house. This happened before I moved in, but fairly recently before I got there, so the tale was told quite often. What happened was that the good neighbors got together. And they stood out in front of that crack house every goddamned night, chanting and shouting. There were 20-30 of them, every night. They shouted at the crackheads — get out of our neighborhood! We don’t want you here! I don’t have to tell you that it didn’t take long for them to pack up and leave that rental house, before they’d completely destroyed it too. Now, of course, they just went to some other neighborhood and started up the same crap, but I like to think that the same thing happened there, and in the next neighborhood and the next and the next until finally they just had to quit.

Probably didn’t happen that way. But this is where sometimes things can get taken care of on a big, national stage more easily than they can on a city-wide stage. How long do you think we’d be talking about “second amendment remedies” and “we came unarmed — this time” if the irresponsible talkers were shunned and soundly condemned for their crap on a daily basis instead of just when something comes up?

Ah, but that would mean the sane people would have to understand that something is dreadfully wrong here and it has nothing to do with Obama gonna take our guns away.


In that respect, maybe the Republican victories in November are a godsend. We got a reprieve. After all, these folks promised that if the ballots don’t work, they’ll come back with bullets. It’s not enough, though. They only got the House.

The rhetoric that the right uses now has a name, and it’s not “incendiary,” “inflammatory” or “violent.”

It’s called eliminationist.

They want us completely subjugated, or, better yet, gone. That’s why they demand “their” country back. We’re usurpers.

Don’t bet on this language stopping, and don’t bet on the rise in violent acts — and violent groups — stopping either.

Not until we come to our collective senses. I’m just hoping that’s before the real war breaks out.

What conservatives don’t know can hurt you

Some of what conservatives believe defies logic. OK, a lot of it does. But far too much of it defies the truth. And I can’t figure out if they’re willfully lying or if they just simply don’t understand.

I suspect it’s both — their “leaders,” if, by leaders you mean craven hypocrites who would sell their mother and infant children if it kept them in power, know the truth but count on the average American to not know it — and believe them without question when they lie.

Hate to say it, but such is ignorance.

Take Sarah Palin, for instance — please. She’s on the record (tweeting and facebooking, of course) in support of poor Laura Schlessinger who has been forced to quit her radio show because the evil liberals won’t leave her alone about her rabid rant in which she used the dreaded n-word 11 times, totally freaking out her caller, who, inexplicably, had expected Schlessinger to help her with her problem, whatever it was.

Dr.Laura:don’t retreat…reload! (Steps aside bc her 1st Amend.rights ceased 2exist thx 2activists trying 2silence”isn’t American,not fair”)

For the Twitter impaired, here’s the translation:

Dr. Laura: Don’t retreat — reload! (I’m stepping aside because Dr. Laura’s First Amendment rights ceased to exist. Thanks, activists (Sarcasm). Trying to silence “isn’t American and it’s not fair)

Palin seems to have forgotten 2008, when Schlessinger was “stunned” and “extremely disappointed” that McCain had chosen her as his running mate.

Couldn’t the Republican Party find one competent female with adult children to run for Vice President with McCain? I realize his advisors probably didn’t want a “mature” woman, as the Democrats keep harping on his age. But really, what kind of role model is a woman whose fifth child was recently born with a serious issue, Down Syndrome, and then goes back to the job of Governor within days of the birth?

That’s part of Schlessinger’s schtick, y’know — the family thing. That and not whining, which is exactly what she’s done since announcing she was quitting the radio show on CNN’s “Larry King Live.”

Plus, this isn’t the first time Schlessinger has mis-whined about the First Amendment. About 12-13 years ago, she went on a different tirade, this one about the dreaded homosexuals. She said gay men and lesbians were aberrations or some such nonsense, and denial of her First Amendment rights ensued, apparently by gay men, lesbians and their supporters exercising their First Amendment rights not to shop with her sponsors. As it was all at about the same time she was getting a TV show, the show was the target. It opened to pitiful ratings, because apparently masochistic losers who like to be berated by shrill non-doctors who once posed nude don’t watch much TV, and not surprisingly, didn’t last long.

But it pains me to have to remind conservatives, once again, about the Bill of Rights, in general, and the First Amendment, in particular. Here’s what it says:

Congress shall make no law …

Hold it right there. That’s as far as we need to go. “Congress shall make no law” in this case, “abridging the freedom of speech.” Did Congress pass a law kicking Schlessinger off the radio, or forcing her to curtail her bullshit while I wasn’t looking?

I didn’t think so.

These same conservatives, and it is the very same ones, seem to lack understanding of other parts of that same amendment, too, like the part that says “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”

That’s why they can’t shut up about the not-at-ground-zero not-a mosque in New York. And to argue against it, they use all kinds of really fucked up analogies. Like, “What if the United States put a memorial to the Enola Gay in Hiroshima?”

Let me break this down for them, because I know complex ideas are difficult. First, Park51 is not a memorial to the airliners that hijackers flew into the World Trade Centers. Actually, that’s all we need to say. Same goes for the analogy wherein Japan would put a memorial to kamikaze pilots at Pearl Harbor, or Nazis put a memorial up at the Holocaust Museum in Washington. Again, Park51 is not a memorial anything. It is an Islamic center that seeks to promote peace and understanding. And those are apparently concepts that conservatives have no understanding of whatsoever.

These ignorances are dangerous, and if they are indeed blind followings of lies and obfuscations of the so-called conservarati, they are even more dangerous, because what other lies can they tell that will be bought lock, stock and barrel by the ignorant masses?

A few days ago, I read an interview with a Teabagger in which he was asked if he’d actually read the Constitution, a copy of which he carried in his pocket. Not really, he said, “but I know my country’s history.” Really?

That made me cringe. I don’t expect everyone to be the history and news junkie that I am, but a little basic understanding sure would be nice. Sadly, that went the way of condiments being mere condiments in school lunches, a product of the right’s determination to keep us stupid by destroying any chance at a decent educational system in this country. So far, so good.

Conservatives sometimes, for reasons known only to them, like to deny that the United States is a democracy. “It’s a republic,” they say, which I think somehow implies that the people have all the power and the officials they elect, well, fuck them and the people who voted for them. Let’s try out some definitions:

A republic:
A state in which the supreme power rests in the body of citizens entitled to vote and is exercised by representatives chosen directly or indirectly by them.

A democracy:
A government by the people; a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system.

I don’t see a heckuva lotta difference, except that “republic” specifically refers to the country and “democracy” more specifically refers to the government. Whatever. They’re wrong. We are a democracy. And a republic. But to deny the former in favor of the latter is a separatist, militia thing to do — it sets up the basis for an armed insurrection.

Then there’s all the nonsense about how keeping taxes low for rich people helps the economy, creates jobs, etc etc etc. Except it doesn’t For the period of time since George W. Bush got his tax cuts for the rich passed by the same methods the Republicans now condemn when Democrats do it, there as been zero job growth. Zero. Zip, zilch, nada. Big fat nothing. Didn’t work, idiots. And yet, in the face of the obvious evidence of complete failure, the Republican leadership keeps saying it works and the ignorant masses keep believing them.

Speaking of taxes, we pay one of the lowest tax rates in the world, and the conservatives say we pay too much. That’s because they don’t want to pay any taxes. And corporations — good lord, they pay hardly any taxes on the billions they make, mostly because they hide their money in offshore tax shelters. But the conservarati don’t talk much about that.

And let’s not even get started on global warming. Sure, there’s a natural element to it. But we’ve helped it along quite nicely, thank you. And just because it has a natural element doesn’t make the idea of a world several degrees hotter than it is now and an ocean several feet higher than is now something that’s no big deal. Just ask the mastodons.

About 1,000 words or so back, I noted that some of the things conservatives believe defy logic (Obama is a socialist, secret Muslim who wasn’t born in the United States comes to mind), but I haven’t really addressed any of those. Five or six years ago, however, a list circulated that pretty much covered it (you can add whatever more modern ones you want). The gist of the list is this: IOKIYAAR.* Here it is:

  • Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
  • The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
  • Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
  • “Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
  • A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
  • Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
  • The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
  • Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you run for governor of California as a Republican.
  • If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
  • A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
  • HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.
  • Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
  • Global warming, and tobacco’s link to cancer, are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
  • Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.
  • A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
  • Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
  • The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.
  • You support states’ rights, which means (former) Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
  • What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is irrelevant.
  • Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

* IOKIYAAR: It’s OK if you are a Republican.

The reality of being Sarah

I seriously don’t want to write about Sarah Palin — mostly because I’d like to avoid the chorus of “Why does Sarah Palin frighten liberals so much,” since she doesn’t — but she just won’t go away. Besides, something hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks the other day, and after I cleared the rubble and dressed the cuts and scratches, I knew I should let you in on it.

And it’s this: Sarah Palin doesn’t scare us, although should she become president, that would be worse than all the Halloween movies plus Saw put together. It’s the train wreck phenomenon. We just can’t stop watching the horror. Unlike a train wreck, Palin can occasionally be amusing, but mostly it’s just the continuous unfolding of disaster, tinged with the uncomfortable knowledge that a subset of people in this country actually like her.

Hell, Willie Nelson even likes her, personally, although he isn’t so sure about her politics.

It’s as if my colleagues are colluding in broadcasting (and writing about) the biggest reality show ever. Sarah Palin’s Alaska is so unnecessary. We’ve got Sarah Palin’s America 24/7, The Truman Show with a willing participant.

And you know what? It’s embarrassing. Here’s a woman who wants to be taken seriously as a politician entertaining us with tweets and Facebook posts to the president (pick up the phone, moron), gallavanting around the country making up bullshit to say and tossing her personal family business out to my colleagues like dog biscuits.

See Sarah confront woman with “worst governor ever” sign (Gee, you think quitting half way through the term so she can get more media coverage — and jack up her bank account — had anything to do with it?). See Sarah mock herself by writing answers on her hand for Fox News interview (actually, she gets a couple of points for that, but then they’re erased because what she wrote on her hand was wrong). See Sarah make up words and compare herself to William Shakespeare. See Sarah go camping with Kate Gosselin.

All this resonates with a certain subset of the American population. The ones who think reality TV actually has some semblance of similarity to actual life. For the rest of us, it’s back to the train wreck value, at least for those of us who aren’t so disgusted with the idea of people displaying their ignorance for all to see while never realizing just how stupid they actually are (maybe Sarah could make a guest appearance on Jersey Shore).

Some days, I really miss Jerry Springer.

Remember when we were all appalled that Americans elected an actor president? Palin doesn’t even have that going for her. She’s just cultivating celebrity, just like the villains on Survivor. Name recognition, she’s got it. But celebrity doesn’t make a good president.

Certainly there’s plenty of politicians who don’t chase their names in lights who would make horrible presidents. Most of them, to be more precise. We seem to have completely forgotten what the role of the president is — to think of the greater good, to act in the best interests of the country and not some ideological ideal.

The conserverati, of course, claim Obama is doing just that. But after Robert Gibbs’ “professional left” bullshit, there is no question that’s just another rightwing lie. Not even close. Obama is looking at the big picture and trying to find his way to the greater good for all of us, but he’s too prone to giving away the farm for that illusive idea of Republican support — never gonna happen. I suppose he’s too afraid of actually being an ideological president to actually do the right thing and just push his ideas through.

Republicans don’t have that problem. They don’t give a shit about the rest of us, and Sarah is most certainly one of them. And trying to gain the presidency by building her celebrity is certainly a novel approach. But do you really want a president who is on TMZ as often as the actual news? More often, really, since what Palin does isn’t actually making news — it’s making fun of it.

Wonder how much it cost her and how long the PR firm took to come up with Lame Stream Media? Oh, so clever. And adolescent.

Wanna know what’s really lame? My colleagues pretending Sarah Palin has anything coherent to say about anything, so I guess in that respect, she’s right to label us the LSM. Not what she means, I know, but accuracy has never been her strong point.

On the other hand, the Palin ship seems to be leaking profusely, in more ways than one — including that all important “support.”  Perhaps there’s hope for Americans yet, since it seems the more America sees of Palin the less we like her.

Anyway, the next installment of Sarah Palin’s American should be starting any minute now. I sure don’t want to miss her take on Levi Johnston’s run for mayor of her town.

Bachmann Palin Overdrive

I know you’re going to be disappointed. But I just can’t help it. I have seen the light. I know the truth. It hurts, but it’s there in plain bright kleig lights.

I have become a Teabagger.

No, seriously. A Tea Party Teabagger.

How did this happen, you may ask?

Well, I’ve been watching The Most Trusted Name In News, and I’ve seen it all there. The real truth. From the Best Political Team On Television.

Erick Erickson, for example — the newest member of the BPTOT — he’s been very convincing in John King’s living room set. Well, actually, John King is in the living room set. Erickson is on via satellite feed, presumably from Atlanta, World Headquarters of The Most Trusted Name In News.

But even better is reading Erickson’s site, Red State. He cleaned up all his Tweets, you know, so CNN would hire him. So you can’t find him calling David Souter a “child-molesting goat-fucker” — although cracks about “ugly feminists” turned up as recently as February — and until now you couldn’t find him suggesting we go beat our congresscritters to a bloody pulp. But I guess he figured that was OK, cuz it’s back.

At what point do the people tell the politicians to go to hell? At what point do they get off the couch, march down to their state legislator’s house, pull him outside, and beat him to a bloody pulp for being an idiot?

“Bloody pulp” seems to be a favorite phrase at Red State, by the way. Searching for that phrase found two pages of links, plus the “similar links omitted” standard, including a reference to beating “Obama’s ass to a bloody pulp” and a suggestion that Sarah Palin should beat Levi Johnston “to a bloody pulp.”

I would suggest getting a little more creative with the terminology, but what else are you gonna do with idiot Democrats and lying liberals? They won’t listen to reason.

Reason, you know, like Obama was born in Kenya. Or somewhere. Just not the United States. He needs to show us his birth certificate, and not that official one from Hawaii that he showed to FactCheck.org. We know that one’s fake because Hawaii is in on the cover-up. And also not that fake generator one from the Internet. Hell, I’ve got a birth certificate from that one that shows I was born in Kenya.

And I agree with Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour, you know. All this brouhaha about Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell dissing slavery as any kind of important issue, it don’t amount to diddly. Everybody knows blacks are better off because of slavery. Without that, they might still be in Zimbabwe living under Robert Mugabe. Or they might have died in the Rwandan genocide. Or they might be dead from malaria because the pansy-assed Democrats over here banned DDT, which does a damn good job of killing those pesky mosquitos.

And besides, TMTNIN had on Mr. H.K. Edgerton, a black confederate re-enactor, who said it’s a tragedy the way America won’t let the South’s side get told and it’s just not true that if the South had won the War of Northern Aggression then blacks would have it even worse than they did today. And de-segregation was  a Northern plot to further demonize the South, which was filled with good, honorable men.

And Candy Crowley is right. The left and the right have gone overboard with their violent rhetoric. A teachers’ union — a fucking teachers’ union! — is praying for the death of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie.

Dear Lord this year you have taken away my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze, my favorite actress, Farrah Fawcett, my favorite singer, Michael Jackson, and my favorite salesman, Billy Mays. I just wanted to let you know that Chris Christie is my favorite governor.

Now, the liberals say that’s just a joke. But boy howdy when we say something is just a joke, they get their panties all in a wad and say we can’t just spit out something, like, say, John Edwards is a fag, and then call it a joke. I’m sure that Rev. Wiley Drake, who said that Dr. George Tiller’s murder is the answer to his prayers and that he’s also praying for the deaths of “B. Hussein Obama” and most other Democrats as well, is just joking too. Jeez, liberals. Lighten up.

And man, I was so wrong about Sarah Palin. I retract every evil thing I said about her when I wrote “Why I Hate Sarah Palin.” What could I have been thinking? She’s obviously for the little guy, like me, and would make a damn good president. She has more experience that Barry Obama, for sure. And hosting that clips show in Fox is gonna give her even more experience. She’ll hear from all kinds of powerful people who’ll speak about what’s good and right in America, although she already knows all that already.

That’s one thing CNN is missing. Sure, they’ve got Erick Erickson, but Fox has Sarah. Maybe they could give a show to Michelle Bachmann? I mean, it was sure cool when she jumped out at that State of the Union address and gave GW Bush a big sloppy one on National TV.

Speaking of which, she’d make a great vice-president for President Sarah Palin, doncha think?  I mean, whatta team. They could make Tom Tancredo secretary of Homeland Security and John Bolton secretary of State, Tom Delay could be secretary of the Treasury and Dick Cheney could head up the CIA AND the FBI. Wow. That would be so super.

And if Sarah gets tired of the $400K salary, well, Michelle will be ready to step in.

I can see it now.

Palin 2012/Bachman 2013.

So, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but they don’t call me The Most Twisted Name In News for nothing.

Troubled waters

Ruh roh. Looks like the Grand Old Party is having some serious problems.

Couldn’t happen to a bunch of nicer guys.

First, Tony Perkins, the Jim Dobson protege who heads up the Family Research Council, calls on members to stop donating to the Republican National Committee.

I’ve hinted at this before, but now I am saying it–don’t give money to the RNC. If you want to put money into the political process, and I encourage you to do so, give directly to candidates who you know reflect your values.

Tony’s all upset onaccounta the RNC paid $2,000 for some young studs to go to a simulated lesbian bondage strip act. He’s also ticked off that the RNC hired Ted Olsen to do some legal work for them — because Olsen, a tried and true conservative — argued in favor of gay marriage before the California Supreme Court in the Prop 8 challenge.

Sarah Palin’s ticked at the RNC too. They won’t take her name off an invitation to the Southern Republican Leadership Conference, where she will be speaking. Seems she thinks the invitation makes it sound like she’ll be attending fundraisers, which she won’t. She’ll just be speaking. And for a handsome fee, I’m sure.

Speaking of Palin, y’gotta love Fox News, which hired her to host an interview show. Only apparently she won’t actually be conducting the interviews. Those will be recorded god knows how long ago. LL Cool J got wind of this and protested, so Fox sent out its usually snippy response, referring to Cool as “Mr. Smith,” his real name being James Todd Smith, and saying they are surprised he wouldn’t want to be a part of something that’s so positive and wishing him well with “his fledgling acting career.”

Of course, Republicans really have nothing to worry about. Thanks to decades of Republicans screwing with things like education, Americans are now, by and large, pretty stupid, having  been trained their entire lives to believe anything Republicans say, no matter how insane or obviously untrue.

Gotta hand to ’em on that. To turn millions of rational, thinking adults into couch potato dunces with no ability whatsoever to look at a situation and think it through — on their own — well, that’s quite an accomplishment. It must be true the good guys always finish last.

Also love the Republicans and Teabaggers now falling all over themselves to get distant from the violent, racist, bigoted base. One guy, holding a sign that used the “n” word, actually told reporters he hadn’t seen any racist slogans or anything at Tea Party rallies. Maybe that’s because he was standing behind his own sign.

Others claim nobody called John Lewis “nigger” or Barney Frank “faggot.” They also claimed nobody spit on Emmanuel Cleaver, or they did until a video showing the incident turned up. Nothing like film at 11 to put a stop to that nonsense.

And of course, not a one of the lot said anything about Republican congresscritters egging on the protesters.

They’re also falling all over themselves to get distance from the Christian terrorist cell the FBI busted up in Michigan. Well, except for those who aren’t. They’re saying it’s a free speech issue. Never heard any of ’em say anything like that about the underwear bomber. Wonder why?

And somehow, I just don’t think building bombs and preparing to kill law enforcement officers is a free speech issue. Call me crazy.

And everybody’s talking about CNN’s ratings fall. Interesting thing about that. CNN’s numbers — the number of views that count in the ratings — hasn’t changed much since last fall when the network was actually beating Fox in some of the night time demographic. What has happened is that there are significantly more viewers for cable news now than then — and virtually all of those new viewers are watching Fox.

Funny thing, that change happened almost overnight at the end of 2008. Right after we elected a black guy president. I’m not sayin’, y’all, I’m just sayin’.

Now, I don’t believe that all Republicans and Teabaggers are scum. I believe that some of them genuinely believe the non-bigoted things they’re saying, when they’re not being bigoted. But I’m pretty damn sure that most of that number have been snookered.

The problem is that it’s pretty clear they oppose things that Democrats support because they fear somebody will get something they don’t deserve and they’ll have to pay for it. And the problem with that is that they think they’re the ones who can decide who’s deserving and who’s not.

There’s the decider for you. How’s that fair and balanced-y thing working out for ya?

Which reminds me. The Catholic Church. Boy oh boy. Well, that’s probably an inappropriate thing to say, or maybe just a pun. Anyway, they’re screwed up the … never mind.

There was a prophet once, kinda Nostradamus-like, who prophesied about the popes who’d be coming up after his pope, Celestine the something. The current pope, Papa Razi? Next to last. Could it be true?

But Bill Donohue, the one-man Catholic League, thinks everything’s just fine with the Catholic Church. Like Tony Perkins. Bill is another guy who just can’t let go of the gay thing, though.What is it about these conservatives that makes them so obsessed with other people’s sex lives anyway? Bill says the church doesn’t have a child abuse problem, it has a homosexual problem, because, apparently, all gay men are pedophiles, something the rest of us know isn’t true because we’ve seen the studies that show most pedophiles are straight, even the ones who abuse boys.

But the quivery-joweled Donohue is another one of those mal-informed folks who can’t be bothered with facts.

No, that would be just too much trouble. Better to leave facts for the weak. Why mess up a perfectly good tirade with silly little facts, huh? Nobody’s gonna believe ’em anyway. We’ve been taught better than that.