Tag Archives: Newt Gingrich

Eye on Newt

Newt Gingrich is the perfect Republican.

I’m serious. He is the consumate Tea Partier, and that, my friends, is where the Republican heart lies these days.

No more is it with the spiffy country club types who drink to excess behind closed doors and have private affairs so they can publicly criticize everyone else. Oh no. The New Republican is rough and tough and arrogant and doesn’t give a fuck about you or me or anyone else just as long as he gets his hands on The Power.

That’s Newt. He’s found the conservative populist message that could take him to the nomination — or at the very least he’ll be the guy at the top of the short list for absolute monarch when the southern states try to secede again.

Think about it. There’s a huge split in the Republican Party that they don’t like to talk about. There are those rich dandies, the monied monsters who have been grooming Mitt Romney to take over for years now. They’ve been successful thus far at co-opting the ignorant masses. But here comes Newt, and he’s learned how to speak to ignorance.

What ignorant Republican doesn’t love an arrogant asshole with as much disdain for the press, the poor, Democrats, liberals, women, blacks and gays as they have?

What “patriotic” Republican doesn’t love an belligerent jackass who believes, as they do, that America is the Promised Land and everybody else is subhuman?

Seriously. Take the suit and tie off Newt and put him in a flannel shirt with the sleeves ripped off and dirty jeans with a CAT cap and steel toed boots and you got every white guy in South Carolina who doesn’t make $40,000 a year. And there are a lot of those. South Carolina — the state that ranks dead last in education, even below Mississippi.

It’s why Newt harps on “the elites” all the time. “The elite media.” “The elite liberals.” Even though Newt himself reported $3 million income last year — where I come from, that’s pretty damned “elite.”

We’ve all wondered why those not-elite types always vote against their own interests and keep sending Republicans back to Congress or state houses or wherever. Newt has stripped the nice veneer off and shown us exactly why.

The day of the dog whistle is over, my friends. Calling Obama a “food stamp president” isn’t a dog whistle, ladies and gentlemen. It’s racist bullshit.

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And there it is. Newt is the alpha male, the man’s man. Three wives, baby, each one better looking than the last. Doesn’t matter that he ditched the other two only after they got sick — what real man wants to have to deal with that? And this is South Carolina, baby. The state that didn’t bat an eye when Mark Sanford did the light fantastic down the Appalachian trail, all the way to Argentina.

Don’t let ’em try to tell you it had nothing to do with Mitt Romney’s religion either. There is no way in hell them South Carolina boys are gonna vote for a Mormon. They ain’t even Christian. So while the polls have a majority saying that Mitt’s Mormon religion didn’t make a difference, I can tell you right now they lied about that, and here’s why:

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Yup. They’ll tell you a candidate being a Mormon don’t make a difference, and then they’ll turn around and tell you it’s important that a candidate share their values, their religious beliefs.

Used to be that Catholicism had the same stigma Mormons have now, back in the day. But no more. Catholics aren’t liberals anymore, and you can thank their stand on abortion for that. Oh, and same sex marriage. So Newt’s conversion works in his favor.

Yeah, Santorum’s a Catholic, religious fanatic too, but he isn’t mean like Newt. Today’s Republicans want mean. Ron Paul could almost fill the bill, but he doesn’t like war, likes marijuana and sounds like Mike Tyson while looking more like Ross Perot.

Gingrich owns the religious vote. He goes on and on about “anti-Christian” bigotry, as if a country in which more than 80 percent of its citizens are Christian could actually do that. But the ignorant masses firmly believe it. They believe it because THEIR values — the values they believe are the only purely American values — are under attack by a lenient, godless, liberal elite. And Newt tells them they’re right.

He’s got the lingo down. Elites in New York and Washington. Bows to Saudi king. Food stamps. Teleprompter. Extremists. Radicals. Saul Alinsky. Common sense conservative. European socialists. Ronald Reagan. Liberal media. Jimmy Carter.

He plays to the hate, blatantly.

Newt. He’s THE MAN. He is THE NOT-ROMNEY. And if the Republicans aren’t careful, he’ll be THE NOMINEE.

Good luck with that one. And do be careful what you wish for.



I wanted to write about frogs. Bullfrogs, in particular. The way even the smallest of them have deep, resonant voices. How deep, loud noises, like a plane approaching the airport or certain trucks, trigger their call. How they hunt down worms they spotted 20 feet away on level ground. In the dark. How they sit, stock still, waiting for something.

But then Sara Robinson said the S-word — sedition — and, while cautioning us not to throw that word around the way we’ve thrown “fascist” around, detailed just how seditious the American right is these days.

And a bunch of bigoted people — apparently white and black this time — pulled a stunt that was pulled a lot back when desegregation became law of the land. They held a secret, private prom, this time not telling the gay girl where it was and, in fact, sending her and a few other people they didn’t like off to the wrong location.

And the Heritage Foundation decreed that the United States is no longer free, just mostly free, not because we wiretap anybody we don’t like and torture them — that’s not part of the criteria, this being about economic freedoms —  or because the health insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies and banks have nearly ruined us — because the American people aren’t part of their criteria either — but because we have too much regulation of business and such. Of course, the seven countries ahead of the United States on their list are

Hong Kong, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand, Ireland, Switzerland, and Canada, in that order.

Yes, the Heritage Foundation would be more satisfied if our economic freedoms were more in line with countries that have socialized medicine, impose higher tax rates, and in Ireland’s case, is in need of a massive bailout to prevent a catastrophe.

Oh, yeah, and Wikileaks released the video that proves at least some of our fine servicemembers aren’t and that the military covered up the killings of innocents.

And the death threats continue from the oh so reasonable right. Patty Murray got one that included some incredibly vile language along with the death threat.

Senator … Fuck you. You are fired. You are 86’ed. Fuck you, you Pike Street fucking whore. You fucking slut. Come over to Yakima and list — Come on down to Grandview and get some more spit dick there, you old fucking cunt.

And John Lewis. Well, just take a look at the phone call he got.

Yes, Bill Ves, calling from (inaudible) I ain’t gonna get no health insurance, tell that son of a bitch that, I ain’t getting the damned health insurance. That goddamned nigger, don’t tell me I gotta get some goddamned health insurance. I ain’t paying no goddamned fine. Tell that nigger he can come put my ass in jail if he don’t like it. Goddamn worthless nigger, and all them other niggers that voted for him. That nigger Obama and them white trash honkies that voted for that damned communist, socialist stuff. Dumb motherfuckers, Goddamn! I ain’t getting the goddamned mandatory health insurance from some bitch motherfuckers! Goddamn bunch of nigger,white trash honkies, sone of a bitch communist who voted for this shit. I didn’t go fight in no goddamned wart so I could be forced to do something I don'[t want to do. So fuck all y’all niggers. Fuck you John Lewis, you goddamned worthless, communist nigger.

And of course the Catholic Church’s pedophile problem continues unabated. What else but a religious organization could escape Congressional hearings and FBI investigations? Imagine. What if this had been, say, ACORN?

Republicans keep lying too. Government takeover of health insurance. Yeah right. If only. The lastest is this doozy from Newt Gingrich — the government’s plan to confiscate your retirement plans to pay for the deficit. It’d be funny if so many people didn’t believe it.

A Massey Energy coal mine blew up in West Virginia. Twenty-five dead. Massey’s CEO is a big ole teabagger named Don Blankenship. Teabaggers don’t like government regulation. Government regulation makes mines safe. Mmmm.

Know what else? ExxonMobile didn’t pay a dime in federal income tax last year. Neither did General Electric, although the company generated $10 billion in revenue. ExxonMobile, by the way, had a $45 billion profit, but it all went into the overseas accounts of subsidiaries. And we wonder why we have a deficit. Well, it ain’t government programs to help its citizens, that’s for damn sure.

John “No more cooperation from me” McCain and Joe “Fuck You” Lieberman have introduced a new bill into the Senate, one that would codify the Bush administration’s treatment of “enemy combatants” — you know, throw ’em into Gitmo or some other military brig, make it hard for them to get lawyers and don’t even bring charges against ’em. Forget civilian courts.

This is the kind of Constitution-shredding, civil liberties abolishing, tyrannical legislation you’d think would have the Tea People screaming at the top of their lungs and Sarah rethinking her support for its sponsor, John McCain. That it has slid by unnoticed with the largest screamers on the national stage right now is perhaps more troubling than the bill itself, which let’s hope dies a quick death.

Pay attention, people. Yes, I’m talking to you idiots in the tri-cornered hats yammering about crap of which you have no clue. Giving citizens access to a private, for profit health insurance market is not fascism, tyranny, or totalitarianism. Declaring U.S. citizens “enemy belligerents” and detaining them in military prisons indefinitely without trial is.

Bob McDonnell, the woman- and gay-hating Republican governor of Virginia just proved women and gays aren’t all he hates. He quietly declared April “Confederate History Month” in his state.

And if that’s not enough, former Tsalagi (Cherokee) Chief Wilma Mankiller died. She was one of my heroes, and I was privileged to meet both the chief and her husband Charlie Soap at a Martin Luther King Day celebration many years ago. Charlie and I had a long and wide-ranging conversation while we waited for the chief’s time on the stage to end.

Wilma was the Tsalagi’s principle chief for a decade, from 1985 to 1995, choosing not to run for re-election. Too many of her tribe couldn’t understand her push to bring social programs to the reservation where Andy Jackson, that son-of-a-bitch, left them to rot after driving them out of their mountains and valleys in the Southeast. They wanted the quick fixes, like casinos. Unfortunately, Oklahoma hasn’t been kind to those ideas.

The world has lost a huge section of its heart with Wilma’s death, and I have lost a friend.

Do-na-da-`go-v-i, v-ga-nu-we-u-we. To-hi-do.

And with that, the ka-nu-nu begin their nightly chorus.