Tag Archives: erick erickson


James O’Keefe thinks he can “punk” a CNN reporter by pretending to seduce her on camera. A state assistant attorney general who looks oddly like Peewee Herman spends months harassing the openly gay president of his alma mater’s student body. Two college freshmen use a hidden camera to stream — live on the Internet — the gay sexual encounter of another freshman.

Do we have an epidemic of people who haven’t progressed past their 15th birthdays?

That last one is particularly tragic. Tyler Clementi, just 18, was so horrified by not only being outed live on the internet but by having his sex live spilled out there for the world to see that he jumped off the George Washington Bridge into the Hudson River. Somebody somewhere noted that Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei, the two morons who played this dastardly “prank” on Clementi, will have to live with this for the rest of their lives. I sure hope so, because Clementi won’t get to live the rest of his life at all, and his parents and others who loved him will live with the horror of his death for the rest of theirs.

Andrew Shirvell, the homophobic moron assistant AG in Michigan, is now banned from the campus of the University of Michigan. It’s people like him that make me wish I’d been the one to think up Dickipedia, because right about now he’d be the featured Dick. And right alongside him would be his boss, Mike Cox, who says “oh, no, I can’t just fire him. That would violate his first amendment rights.” Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all have the right to be a dick. But seriously, do you want someone with that level of maturity in that kind of position? Michigan Gov. Jennifer Granholm, who used to be the attorney general, knows the answer to that question. She tweeted it.

If I was still Attorney General and Andrew Shirvell worked for me, he would have already been fired.

Now there’s a governor who can use Twitter without sounding like an idiot.

Sure Shirvell took a “voluntary leave of absence,” which means either a) he’ll stay off the job until my ADD colleagues move on to the next shiny object or b) Shirvell finds a new job and this is all done with.

And O’Keefe. Jesus H. Christ on a cross. Why is this guy not in jail? Or juvenile detention? He destroyed ACORN with heavily edited videos (thanks to a bunch of other dicks in the U.S. Congress who couldn’t be bothered to find the facts — not unlike a bunch of other dicks in the Obama administration who couldn’t be bothered to get the facts on Shirley Sherrod. But at least the truth came out faster on her — by the time the truth about O’Keefe and the ACORN videos came out, my colleagues had moved on to Lindsay Lohan’s latest tribulations and couldn’t have cared less). And O’Keefe, then he got caught trying to wiretap Sen. Mary Landrieu’s office. Dick, dick dick. But now — finally — even the conservatives are getting the picture that this guy’s a liability. The National Review:

This CNN episode ought to convince all conservatives that not only should O’Keefe’s behavior be condemned, but conservative leaders and organizations need to do a better job of assessing the maturity level and character of the people they hire, support, or praise.

Well, duh. Hold the presses on that one. O’Keefe’s plot was steeped in sexism, not unlike many teenaged boys who haven’t been taught how to behave in public.

But these guys aren’t the only idiots opening their mouths to prove it. Joe Miller, the wannabe senator in Alaska, tweeted a series of notes about how he should be checking out office furniture and doing some house-hunting and such while he’s in Washington, you know, because he’s guaranteed to win the election and all. Of course, he’s blamed a staffer who now won’t be able to tweet on Joe’s account. Really? A staffer? Right. I guess it was the same staffer who tweeted “What’s the difference between selling out your parties values and the world’s oldest profession” as Lisa Murkowski, the senator he beat in the Republican primary — weighed the idea of a write-in candidacy. Murkowski, who decided to run that race and actually leading him right now — had a little to say about his most recent tweets. Well, actually it was her spokesman.

For someone who wants to be a freshman senator, this is pretty sophomoric.

Then there’s Erick “RedState” Erickson, who can’t stop tweeting he wants to “beat someone to a bloody pulp,” and this after he deleted his tweets calling then-Supreme Court Justice David Souter a “child-molesting goat fucker.” And CNN still thinks it’s a good idea to pay him to appear on air and spew his bullshit to the world. At least then CNN president Jon Klein did. Maybe new president Ken Jautz will think better of it. Oh, wait. Jautz was the guy who first put Glenn Beck on television. Glenn Beck, the former shock jock, and we all know how mature those guys are.

Remember Joe Wilson? He was so grown-up that he shouted “You lie!” at President Obama as he was addressing a joint session of Congress.

And don’t get me started on Carl Paladino, the TeaPublican candidate for governor in New York. OK, so maybe he’s not really immature. He’s just a asshole.

But for all these folks, and many other just like them, I have but one question:

Didn’t your mama teach you better?

Yeah, there’s some family values for you.

Bachmann Palin Overdrive

I know you’re going to be disappointed. But I just can’t help it. I have seen the light. I know the truth. It hurts, but it’s there in plain bright kleig lights.

I have become a Teabagger.

No, seriously. A Tea Party Teabagger.

How did this happen, you may ask?

Well, I’ve been watching The Most Trusted Name In News, and I’ve seen it all there. The real truth. From the Best Political Team On Television.

Erick Erickson, for example — the newest member of the BPTOT — he’s been very convincing in John King’s living room set. Well, actually, John King is in the living room set. Erickson is on via satellite feed, presumably from Atlanta, World Headquarters of The Most Trusted Name In News.

But even better is reading Erickson’s site, Red State. He cleaned up all his Tweets, you know, so CNN would hire him. So you can’t find him calling David Souter a “child-molesting goat-fucker” — although cracks about “ugly feminists” turned up as recently as February — and until now you couldn’t find him suggesting we go beat our congresscritters to a bloody pulp. But I guess he figured that was OK, cuz it’s back.

At what point do the people tell the politicians to go to hell? At what point do they get off the couch, march down to their state legislator’s house, pull him outside, and beat him to a bloody pulp for being an idiot?

“Bloody pulp” seems to be a favorite phrase at Red State, by the way. Searching for that phrase found two pages of links, plus the “similar links omitted” standard, including a reference to beating “Obama’s ass to a bloody pulp” and a suggestion that Sarah Palin should beat Levi Johnston “to a bloody pulp.”

I would suggest getting a little more creative with the terminology, but what else are you gonna do with idiot Democrats and lying liberals? They won’t listen to reason.

Reason, you know, like Obama was born in Kenya. Or somewhere. Just not the United States. He needs to show us his birth certificate, and not that official one from Hawaii that he showed to FactCheck.org. We know that one’s fake because Hawaii is in on the cover-up. And also not that fake generator one from the Internet. Hell, I’ve got a birth certificate from that one that shows I was born in Kenya.

And I agree with Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour, you know. All this brouhaha about Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell dissing slavery as any kind of important issue, it don’t amount to diddly. Everybody knows blacks are better off because of slavery. Without that, they might still be in Zimbabwe living under Robert Mugabe. Or they might have died in the Rwandan genocide. Or they might be dead from malaria because the pansy-assed Democrats over here banned DDT, which does a damn good job of killing those pesky mosquitos.

And besides, TMTNIN had on Mr. H.K. Edgerton, a black confederate re-enactor, who said it’s a tragedy the way America won’t let the South’s side get told and it’s just not true that if the South had won the War of Northern Aggression then blacks would have it even worse than they did today. And de-segregation was  a Northern plot to further demonize the South, which was filled with good, honorable men.

And Candy Crowley is right. The left and the right have gone overboard with their violent rhetoric. A teachers’ union — a fucking teachers’ union! — is praying for the death of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie.

Dear Lord this year you have taken away my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze, my favorite actress, Farrah Fawcett, my favorite singer, Michael Jackson, and my favorite salesman, Billy Mays. I just wanted to let you know that Chris Christie is my favorite governor.

Now, the liberals say that’s just a joke. But boy howdy when we say something is just a joke, they get their panties all in a wad and say we can’t just spit out something, like, say, John Edwards is a fag, and then call it a joke. I’m sure that Rev. Wiley Drake, who said that Dr. George Tiller’s murder is the answer to his prayers and that he’s also praying for the deaths of “B. Hussein Obama” and most other Democrats as well, is just joking too. Jeez, liberals. Lighten up.

And man, I was so wrong about Sarah Palin. I retract every evil thing I said about her when I wrote “Why I Hate Sarah Palin.” What could I have been thinking? She’s obviously for the little guy, like me, and would make a damn good president. She has more experience that Barry Obama, for sure. And hosting that clips show in Fox is gonna give her even more experience. She’ll hear from all kinds of powerful people who’ll speak about what’s good and right in America, although she already knows all that already.

That’s one thing CNN is missing. Sure, they’ve got Erick Erickson, but Fox has Sarah. Maybe they could give a show to Michelle Bachmann? I mean, it was sure cool when she jumped out at that State of the Union address and gave GW Bush a big sloppy one on National TV.

Speaking of which, she’d make a great vice-president for President Sarah Palin, doncha think?  I mean, whatta team. They could make Tom Tancredo secretary of Homeland Security and John Bolton secretary of State, Tom Delay could be secretary of the Treasury and Dick Cheney could head up the CIA AND the FBI. Wow. That would be so super.

And if Sarah gets tired of the $400K salary, well, Michelle will be ready to step in.

I can see it now.

Palin 2012/Bachman 2013.

So, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but they don’t call me The Most Twisted Name In News for nothing.